What an interesting time for this question to be posted in
our Blog. I have to say that after last week, I have had to really hold my tongue and keep my mouth shut. I am not sure how to explain it without it coming out in a poor loser scenario. My daughter was a Homecoming queen candidate last week and no, she was not the winner. The girl who did win was someone that no one was expecting to win because of her attitude and her daily drama. She said some extremely mean things to my daughter (my daughter pulled her ham string in dance, this girl was jumping up and down, clapping, and saying, "Good, she is hurt. Now she can't try out for basketball cheerleading) and I felt that someone who said things like that should not be rewarded. Well, needless to say, I have had to do much soul-searching in this area and know that I cannot change the outcome nor is it important anymore.
I have unfortunately used the "escapist strategy" for this incident because I do not want a conflict with this girl's mother. Events that took place after the crowning just left me with little desire to congratulate her because I knew it would not be a geninune moment.
So, in light of this, my daughter teaches me the "challenging strategy" for her acceptance of losing and forgiving. My daughter said, " I would rather lose honestly than win dishonestly" and has been given several opportunities to continue to be a class leader. If my daughter can move on, forgive this girl for the comments she made after my daughter's injury, then I have to do the same.
I think we both have learned many lessons from last week and what and who really matters. I will continue to use these strategies as well as cooperative strategies to work through conflicts in my life that need solutions and closure.
Hi Lori,
ReplyDeleteFor your daughter to say that she must be an amazing young lady. That is strangth right there and a great way to stay positive about herself. i know it must be hard as a mother to see situation like that ubfold...mine are yet to come and I hope I too will be able to handle it in a good manner. My son is only 2 and I have some time to prep myself. Thank you for sharing. It's important that you express you feelings of angry to let it our in an apporiate manner is health for you, releasing stress and tention from the situation.
Katherine
Good story and glad that you, and your daughter, took the high road. When our children hurt, we hurt and, although we are older, and the mother, we are every age we have ever been. That high school girl came out in you and you had to push it away. :)
ReplyDeleteLori –
ReplyDeleteLet me start by congratulating you, from one mother to another. You have most certainly done a wonderful job in raising a daughter who is so gracious and able to have such a positive outlook on the situation. It is my hope that my daughter is such a positive leader. As for the conflict you have with the situation, you most certainly did the correct thing; simply avoiding the situation is the best way to keep your dignity. As a mother your first instinct, is to protect your children, and regardless of the age of the person, in this case the girl and her mother not saying anything at all makes you the bigger person.
Schlee ☺